So I watched the Beyoncé special and what she said was something that I've been hearing a lot of lately—hard work. I think I'm allergic to hard work. Hard work eats away at my soul and a piece of me dies just by thinking about. I'm lazy. There. I said it. It's in the open now. You all know my shameful secret. But because I believe in "signs from the Universe," I interpreted the oft repeated message as a plea from the Universe asking me to give more, to try harder, and to be more determined. So that's my goal for right now.
In a bit of personal introspection I began to speak to myself as the me who I wanted to become one day. That version of me told me how important law school was to personal and professional development. At the time I was studying for a Federal Jurisdiction final. The class was ridiculously hard and should never be taught. But thanks to God in Heaven I made it through. [As of this writing, my grade has not been released or even calculated. But I know that I passed.] I may have not gotten an A in Fed Jur, but I gained something vastly more important: a hint of a work ethic. [How cliché does that sound?] Work ethic = Holiday gift #1.
So my "future self" tells me that law school got me to "wake up." I had been asleep at the wheel for so long I felt as if that was living, as if never trying was the way to go. I had taken solace in the false theory that if I never tried, but knew I could do whatever task I had just failed, then I had somehow won. But of course the Universe was tired of me having believing that lie so it brought me to J.K. Rowling. Her story about her life and the lessons she taught inspired me. Of course, that was the point, and for a woman who wrote a fascinating story about fantasy, magic, love, and fear, inspiration probably comes easy. However, the ease in which she inspires doesn't lessen the impact of her words: "It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you fail by default." That fear of failing is what, I believe, first forced me to create the theory that plagued me and caused me to fail anyway. However, the words resonated within me and reopened the dreams that I'd packaged up and hidden away for fear of never living them. She continued the task that law school had begun to awaken me from the sleep that fear had placed me under. Waking up = Holiday gift #2.
So I've received two great gifts this "Season of Bey." And yes, these are things that everyone knows already, but for me, it's something to be able to look at your life and see where you'll be based upon the decisions you're currently making and then have the opportunity to do something about it. So I wish you all a happy "Season of Bey."
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